One of the non-profit leaders I coach emailed me yesterday asking for a ‘critical comrade’ call – my emergency coaching session which I offer to all my clients.
She was heading into crisis. Deeply uncomfortable with a situation that had arisen in her role as a non-profit CEO, she was about to hit panic. I quickly found room in my diary and we talked at the end of the day.
I really felt for her. I know how horrible it is to be facing an issue that lends itself to overwhelm and panic. I have been there myself a number of times (here‘s a good example for you in an earlier blog.) and it stinks.
As a CEO, you can feel especially isolated and alone. There isn’t always someone unconnected with the challenge to share these deeply difficult moments with.
I imagine you know what that’s like, too
When things are ‘touch and go’ and you’re sick with anxiety?
When that stomach-churning fight, flight or freeze scenario hits, as the saber-toothed tiger appears on a nearby rock, waiting to pounce?
Familiar?
🐾 Perhaps you’ve had some devastating feedback which knocks you to the core
🐾 Maybe you’ve missed something important which really, as the CEO, you feel you should have caught earlier
🐾 Or you’ve got some deeply unpleasant news to share which can’t bear to tell anyone else.
However experienced you are, these moments happen. All these scenarios have come from senior leaders that I coach. They can’t be avoided.
As long as you’re out there taking action, being involved, taking risks and creating change, it’s not all going to work out beautifully all the time. You will face mistakes, tough conversations and sickening news. Your modern-day tiger is likely to creep up on you every now and again.
But what to do?
In our call we didn’t do too much problem-solving. We didn’t work out what she could or couldn’t do to ‘make everything alright’. We didn’t write a plan for how she would tackle the problem when she was back in the office.
What was needed was some soothing. Her emotional system could then begin to calm down. Then she’d be able to think straight.
So, I gave her space to talk. To be upset. To be heard. To be acknowledged. And the tiger seemed to back off a little.
We acknowledged that, yes, if the worst came to the worst, it was a big-deal. It wasn’t nothing. That helped too. To face it straight on.
And we talked about ways that she could look after herself that evening with calming self-compassion . So she could sooth her nervous system and stop her mind running wild:
- Take a walk
- Read a good book
- Stroke her cat (actually, I made that up, but it works a treat).
It all helped.
What’s next?
It’s a good idea to have a few self soothing strategies ready if and when the tiger strikes. What could you do for yourself? I encourage women CEOs and senior leaders to look after themselves by joining my Sweet Spot small group coaching programme where they will have the warm, on-going support of understanding peers.
I’m recruiting for a new cohort starting in September. Email me to explore joining us.
Tigers need not apply.
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