Bounce back brilliantly: 10 ways to build your resilience as a leader

I feel as I start off every blog and post with this at the moment! But, the harsh fact is that things are really tough right now. We all know it.

So, it’s no surprise to me that the question of personal resilience has been coming up a lot with my one-to-one coaching clients.
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• One of my clients is reeling from resignations and redundancies in her team – she’s worried about workload over the next few months
• Another is doubting his skills as a leader after a very tough financial year
• A third faces criticism from a colleague which is making her feel insecure.
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Ready to bounce back brilliantly no matter what life throws at you?
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1. Recognise you always have a choice

People will criticise your efforts. Team members will leave. Your well-prepared presentation will go awry. That’s life.

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You can’t influence what happens but you do have a choice about how you interpret what is happening and how you respond. Resilience is about recognising you’re not a victim and that you do have agency. I encourage my clients to see that they always have a choice. A choice to respond in a panic or remain calm and a whole bunch of other responses in-between. Focus on your choices and on what you can control and you will grow the resilience muscle.
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2. Go easy on yourself

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Are you tempted to beat yourself up for making a  so-called ‘mistake’? The thing is that giving yourself a hard time lessens your ability to be resilient.  See if you can view a mistake or difficult situation as a temporary setback, rather than illustrating a wider failure. When you are kind and compassionate to yourself – which gets easier with practice, I promise – you will bounce back from whatever went wrong more quickly.
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3. Be solution-focused

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At times of stress and overwhelm we tend to think in extreme black and white:
“This is right and this is wrong.”
“This situation isn’t fair.”
“I don’t like what is happening here. It’s so bad.”
This thinking leads to a bit of a dead-end and generally things are more nuanced anyway. I encourage you to look for ways to move on from a challenge positively even if you’re not convinced it’ll work out. Look for solutions rather than problems. “Okay, so this doesn’t feel great but “how can I make this situation better?”. 
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4. Invite challenges

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I know this sound entirely counter-intuitive, but you don’t need to avoid challenges and supposed stressful situations in order for you to stay safe. In fact, when you avoid them you build up fear that is almost as challenging as the challenge itself.

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Resilience is about deciding to “feel the fear and do it anyway,” welcoming difficult situations as opportunities to grow, however tough.
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5. Look forward not back

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See if you can notice what went wrong and what you can learn from a particularly difficult situation – and then move on. I encourage my clients not to wallow in the details of what they did or didn’t do or to spend hours wishing things had been different. I know the nightmare of going over and over regrets in your mind and it’s really not good for you. Can you take a moment to examine what happened, allow yourself to accept it, think about what you want to be different next time – and move along without regret?
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6. Imagine a positive future

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It’s hard to be resilient when you think the future will be all doom and gloom. Resilient people are optimistic. They can imagine a positive future.  They believe that things will work out and that they will be OK, however difficult life might be right now. This is really worth working on. We have no idea how the future will turn out so we may as well focus on the positive.

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7. Practice empathy–

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Believing in yourself and what you can offer to a relationship – without constantly seeking approval – is a big part of being resilient. People who are most resilient tend to have strong personal relationships and a network of peers they can talk to in tough times. They are empathetic and compassionate to others while not worrying overly about what every single person thinks of them. One way to build your peer network and meet other brilliant leaders is the Levity Lounge –  you can read about it here.

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8. There is no failure

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There is no such thing as failure when you’re practicing resilience. Isn’t that great? Every single thing that happens is a learning opportunity. Woohoo! And supposed failures are the very best learning of all! I know it’s hard to hear that, but I promise you it’s true.

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9. Be committed–

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Goals, beliefs, friendships, family, causes – things which you care deeply about and are committed to, help enormously with resilience. When things are tough these overriding commitments keep you getting up in the morning. Setbacks fade into insignificance and you just keep going. How can you commit to these things in your life?

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10. Use positive self-talk

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Positive self-talk is hugely important, too. When you say to yourself, “I am good enough,” “I can get through this,” “I know I will be OK” you’re reminded that things will get better and that your whole life is not a disaster. Even if you don’t believe what you’re saying, positive self-talk puts you in a different space from where you can take different actions. And importantly, it starts to create new neural pathways in your brain. And then anything can happen! I have seen this work over and over again with my clients.

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Over to you

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Do you struggle to bounce back from setbacks and take it hard when things don’t go as well as you’d hoped? Well, bookmark this post and return to it the next time things are feeling tough. But you don’t need to wait for the hard times –  practice these ten approaches when things are going well, so your resilience is strong enough to support you when you really need it.

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What’s next?

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It’s tough to work on resilience on your own. If you feel the same, I’d love to support you as your coach. Drop me an email or book in a chemistry call to see if coaching together is right for us both.

 

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